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Do not go gentle

Bob and Lorna
Bob and Lorna

Bob McKeon, a 78-year-old retired state trooper, splits his time, as many do, between his primary residence -- his is in North Attleboro -- and his place on the Cape in South Dennis. A favorite activity is going out to dinner, and when he started posting restaurant reviews on a popular Facebook page years ago, he gained more and more friends -- many of them touched by his endearing references to his singular dining companion: The Bride.

He quickly found a loyal following, as much for his comments about the cocktails and apps and the bartenders and waitresses ... as about his personal life. Those readers were already along for the journey when McKeon shared that his wife was facing the battle of her life. Cancer. He went on to share details of her struggle ... and, also – finally -- her name. Soon, there were Lorna Strong posts and well-wishes for a speedy recovery.

Bob had met Lorna while commuting by train to college in Boston from their shared hometown of North Attleborough. She was the pretty girl with the smile who unexpectedly obliged his request for a kiss when he showed her his ``Kiss Me, I’m Irish’’ button. More than 15 years ago, McKeon began posting his reviews of the couple’s dining adventures, but in March of this year, Bob would share impossibly sad news. After months of excruciating challenges, and just days into hospice care, Lorna died in Bob's arms as he was transferring her out of her chair into a hospital bed.

And suddenly Bob joined a third of the Cape’s elders who live alone and are vulnerable to the kind of loneliness that can rip a hole in your heart, especially this time of year when the days grow shorter and the nights colder.

But here’s where our story takes a turn. Bob picked himself up and eventually headed out his door – absent, as he would say, “his sweetie” but determined to find a table for one or a seat at the bar and to go on living. Maybe, at times, to live it up.

Bob found those tables for one, those seats at the bar – but so much more. Readers looked for his reviews, to check on how he was doing, to voice their support and share their own stories … maybe they had been there too.

Sure, at this point Bob travels shorter distances from his home and visits some of his favorites more and more – hey, who doesn’t warm up to a place where everyone knows your name.

He’s often hit up for selfies. Jason’s Tavern in South Dennis has named his usual order, the Golden Margarita with Grand Marnier, the Bob-a-rita, and places he hasn’t tried reach out to see if he’ll come to write about them.

Bob has no idea how many actual read his words. His personal Facebook account has 2,000 friends, there are 75,000 members on Facebook’s Cape Cod Restaurants Group and a handful of other restaurant sites, so he figures more than 100,000 have that chance. He gets messages weekly from those of similar age who’ve lost their own spouse or partner. They approach him in restaurants too – often with the same question. How do I cope? The truth is, he’s not always sure HE can pull it off. For instance, a very tough date just around the corner: his first Christmas in 55 years without her.

But Bob does have some advice for those lonely-hearts: Get yourself to a restaurant with a local crowd. Go early, sit at the bar. If you don’t drink, order a diet Coke. Meet people, tell them your story.

Do not go gentle into that good night, look up from the menu and you … you be the light. You may be surprised at what reflects back on you.

Tom Moroney is a veteran journalist and radio host whose love affair with Cape Cod began when he was a child.