Spring in New England is when you’re always wearing the wrong coat, or so says the Internet.
But ain’t that the truth? One day during this so-called Cape Cod spring, I wore three different outdoor cover-ups in one day: a down jacket in the morning to walk the hound; a puffer vest to run errands mid-day; and a raincoat at night when it actually did rain.
Between March and June, you can change coats more often than a Chatham influencer changes her outfit. And you might still be wearing the wrong thing, peeling off layers or, putting your chin down against the wind, desperately wishing you’d put on something else.
So, I’ll wager many of us have a hierarchy of coats.
Let’s start with the big guns: a major-league puffer coat. The best are knee length or below, perfect for walking the dog or exploring a wintery beach or supervising the kids as they sled on the golf course. Extra points if yours is water repellent. This level of protection is not to be worn to the supermarket where you will not only feel like the StayPuft Marshmallow Man but morph into a steamed dumpling by the time you hit Aisle Three. Nor is it for the movie theater where it will be too large to keep from falling onto a soda-encrusted floor. These coats are battle gear, and call for the heaviest of accessories: a hat that covers your ears (and yes, you’ll still want that hood up), neck gaiter, warm mittens and waterproof, warm boots. This is your take-no-prisoners armor against winter.
Next is the puffer jacket. This is often shorter and more stylish than a serious puffer coat, and might not totally cover your backside. It’s good for wearing to work, or shoveling the walk or a short stroll on a sunny, calm day. Goes well with jeans, khakis or even shorts. You can take it to the movies or church since it doesn’t take up much room in the seat. It’s got an ease of wearability, molded to your body like a sneaker to your foot. Probably your go-to coat, but beware those 42-degree rainy days when the down collapses like a wet dog’s fur.
And that brings us to rain gear. It’s likely there’s some kind of sou’wester in your closet. It’s a Cape Cod staple and can be worn on its own or over another layer. A fisherman’s sweater is a nice touch if you’re going for handsome and hardy. This is the toughest defense against wet and comes in classic colors like yellow, helpful when you’re marching through the fog. However, a slicker only keeps the top two-thirds of you dry. The rest of you will be soaking when the rain sheets down the front and onto your thighs. If you’re hardcore, you’ll throw on a pair of rain pants, but real Cape Codders just toss down a bowl of chowder and keep going.
And finally there’s the puffer vest – a New England icon if there ever was one. How do you like yours? Over a flannel shirt? Stacked over a hoodie? Adding a touch of je-ne-sais-quoi to a T-shirt and flip-flops? Your vest can be worn under any of the other coats in your closet – or even indoors when you’re arguing with your spouse over the thermostat. It’s perfect for a quick trip to the corner store or the supermarket, except for those four minutes it takes you to fight the 20-mph, 20-degree wind in the Shaw’s parking lot, and you start to question your life choices. Also, vests have another disadvantage: If you get too hot in a vest, you can’t wrap it around your waist like a coat or hoodie. You’re looking cool, bro, but you’re overheating.
Then, no doubt, we all have coats in the back of the closet that haven’t seen the outdoors in years, like that spring windbreaker that is perfect for Florida, but only appropriate for two days a year on the Cape. How about that wool coat that you last wore to your cousin’s wedding in 2012? Or the 20-year-old ski jacket that you no longer wear but don’t want to give away because it would be an admission that you no longer ski. Hey, maybe it’s vintage by now!
One thing I like about Cape Codders: Outdoor wear is a no-judgement zone. If someone wants to wear shorts and a puffer coat in May or mittens with a hoodie on a cold night in August, we don’t care. Weather is the great leveler. And the calendar be damned, we all know the official beginning of summer is the day you drop that heavy puffer coat off at the dry cleaners.
